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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Love the system

I was so young desperately seeking freedom, right after I got out of my childhood,
There was walls all around me, following me where ever I go.
I tried to run away, I found my self away from the shadows it offered me; I got scared, the sun burned my tender skin.
Lost again and forced to get in the shadow of these high walls, hating the walls but laying underneath it, sometimes trying to climb it and other times tempted to go run under the sun. I many times tried to crack those walls, it crashed my nails, and wounded my skin.
My body covered with dust my skin getting thicker, but still the situation is the same.
There was that door that I was too proud to get through it, I did not want to be similar to every one, similar to those old people getting through it.
I wanted to be like those few who I see from time to time, they have grown older, they are still on the outside but unlike me they have a smile on their face and a mysterious deep look in their eyes.
I wanted to learn, I heard stories about them that said that they are like no other humans or some said that they are not humans at all.
Staring from far, never dared to talk to them, never dared to get close to them.
Growing with time, courage grew in my heart and I walk toward these men.
Getting close to them I heard them sing a song, the main refrain was the same I grew up hearing from the people around "Oh, it's a dangerous world boys, repeat and say. Oh, it's a dangerous world boys."
Weird are those guys, they are men above men, they are singing the same song as the small men.
Yes, this is what I heard what I understood, it is the same lyrics. I felt desperate, there was no answer. I picked up my self all this distance maybe I can find an answer for all the "hows" I asked.
Time is still playing his game, I did not want to give, up I stayed and roamed for years in-vain no answer; Walked back home or better to say walked back to where I was.
Getting closer to the old places the sound of the legends was decreasing and the sound of dead was rising, yes it was the same words being singed by all... This is when I stopped, my body shivering, it truly is the same words but it is not the same song. The dead where singing again and again singing but nagging, nagging and crying "Oh, it's a dangerous world boys"; while my ears missed the singing of the legends, who were singing and shouting, screaming and celebrating the tough days the high obstacles.
Wonder never left my heart, but that breeze of an answer was caressing my skin.
There was no way I can go back now to the legends because I can't survive long in their shadows, I continued my way to my old place, now I have new eyes admiring new stuff and having a different perspective reading all what is around, but the view is not getting any more beautiful than before.
I have seen her one day playing around and giving me an attractive look from time to time, she had magic in her eyes like I have never seen; attracted me to her and got me under her spell. She pushed in my veins an extreme power that almost blew me up from the inside, I almost got an over dose, much over than what my body could ever handle. I was not really enjoying that boost I enjoyed the new experience that was taking over my mind till it got me drunk and unconscious.
I followed her steps with joy, but she was like every one heading to that mysterious door, I never like the odor getting out of it... It was painful seeing that she decided to go with the flow. It was the first time I get that close to the door what allowed me to look through it and see what sucks people inside.
Every one seemed happy. still not convinced I decided to make that step inside, because the external world became so repetitive.
Nothing surprising there, all smiles, fake smiles because each is shameful to show his boredom. But I couldn't do the same, I was smiling at the beginning everything new brings some joy to my heart. Benefit from some rest and explore the new entourage cause soon the trip must continue.
Examining the place, I found it was wilder and wider than it's inhabitants make it look. I knew that I can live there and discover the place and enjoying the daily new stuff it will offer, all this in one condition the fake smile that I may wear sometimes should not import fake feelings to my heart.
It will be the day where I will be somehow as the legends I have seen before, and hope I will sing my own song.